Your Biggest Fear
by Nommy
Summary: Losing people left and right. Always sudden, never drawn out. It's this fear that drives you to incredible measures to protect them. Small vignette(s) featuring the mighty sexy Johnny Gat, the uberly evil Zinyak and everyone's favourite puckish rogue, the Bosslady. Rated T for language...God, am I prude for that? Fuck it.
1. Johnny's 2nd Biggest Fear

_Sparks flew from the busted lights, zapping out little sparks of electricity and making Saki flinch, the hum of power was almost akin to that which seemed to radiate out of her. Breathless, she let her head fall back as her chest heaved and then without preamble, she mussed up her short purple hair and let out a whoop of energy and proclaimed, _

"_That was fucking amazing!" _

_No one answered at first until a slab of office-ceiling shifted and Johnny Gat poked his dark head out and held up a fist; in it he held his gun aloft and grinned in his roguish way. Saki laughed to see that his trademark shades were cracked and his usually immaculate hair was peppered with dust, it was almost nostalgic to see white in his hair again and Saki pointed and teased, _

"_Well if it isn't Mister Throwback-Fuckin'-Thursday."_

_She heaved herself up and holstered her pistol before offering the Saint a hand. He took it with a grunt and rose his dark eyebrows in confusion, _

"_Throwback?" He shook his head and Saki nodded at his hair, _

"_Oh man, that was never a good look for you, buddy." _

_Immediately, the ever-conscious Johnny turned and peered into one of the windows which hadn't been cracked by the blast from the bomb which they'd just let off. For a moment he simply eyed the man in the window before shaking his head to loosen the dust and then batted the rest out. _

"_Gah, I was fuckin' young, alright, yo. Gimme a break, you fuckin'…" He peered around at her, one brow cocked as he thought of a decent enough come back before settling on, "…emo."_

"_Good one, G-man." Saki placated as she shifted through the rubble, digging out her headphones._

"_Oh man, I think they're busted…" She complained and gently tapped them off some rubble. _

"_Yeah, we got bigger things to worry about right now, Sak." Gat growled lowly, his gun equipped._

"_Oh yeah?" She grunted, not really listening, still absorbed in her headphone trouble._

_She heard the cock of Johnny's gun and slowly unfolded her legs and stood upright, flinging the broken headphones off to the side, she did not look at him, instead following his line of sight and asked when she saw nothing of import, _

"_What is it?"_

_Johnny frowned deeply and said, "I dunno'. Something's weird…Do you not hear that?"_

"_No." Saki answered straight away and leaned in a little confused. _

"_Neither the fuck do I." He grumbled snappily and pointed upwards towards the offices that they'd blown through, at least four floors worth of debris was scattered around them._

"_No alarms. That __**bomb**__ we just exploded, Saki," He pointed even higher to emphasise, "Didn't trip any of the fuckin-"_

_He was cut off by a flash-bang grenade hitting off of his shoulder and the huge boom that followed. Saki's eyes widened and she saw him get thrown back and cover his eyes. Saki had a little more time to prepare herself; not that it helped. The ringing in her ears was deafening and she started humming and blinking to right herself of the effects of the grenade. Multicoloured splotches vandalised her vision like annoying blue and purple fireflies that she couldn't swat away and the ringing was like that of a hundred small children screaming in her ears; high-pitched, unsettling and annoying._

_Crawling around on the cold floor, Saki, blinked back tears and reached out a hand towards Johnny's general location and felt relieved when she felt his hand grip hers and hoist her up. Gunfire rang out then too and Saki felt his arm come around her waist and roughly throw her over some debris to avoid the bullets that were whizzing past them. _

"_What the fuck?!" She demanded of no one in particular and Johnny shrugged and pointed at his ears to say that he couldn't hear her. Saki fumed and bellowed, _

"_I said, what the fuck, man? How come you can see?!" She was rubbing her eyes trying to adjust._

_Again Johnny was silent and pointed at his shades and screamed over the gunfire, _

"_And people say don't wear shades indoors, huh?!" _

"_Oh ha-ha!" Saki drawled acerbically, planting a finger in her ear to still the agonising ringing; "I heard that this is so bad for your ears, J!" _

"_So's gunfire you whining little bitch! Get up and cover me already!" _

"_Alright!" She barked back and got to position beside him and began firing off her pistol. _

_They took down the mystery gunmen, not easily, but efficiently. Johnny counted her bullets for Saki, more for his own self-preservation if anything, she was so trigger-happy, she often forgot that her clips were numbered and when she reloaded Johnny would be taking on double work until she was done and vice-versa, so he usually just counted both of their rounds to make sure they were switching fluidly enough so that the opposition had a more difficult target, not really knowing who was firing when._

"_Reload, Saki!" He shouted over the blaze of gunfire and she did._

_Ducking behind the cover, she quickly reloaded her pistol before getting back in the fight._

"_I love action." She breathed huskily in her blood-hungry sociopathic way that made Johnny smile._

"_Y'know, they were right when they said you were fuckin' nuts, kid!" _

"_I know!" She squealed delighted as a hail of bullets seemed to miss her entirely. "I'm a sonofabitch with __**damn**__ fine luck!" _

"_You know it." _

"_I'm surprised you haven't been shot yet, actually." She teased him and he snorted in return, _

"_The shootout's still young, Sak."_

"_Yeah-" _

_Saki's voice died when a stray bullet thudded into her head._

"_Fuck!" Johnny cried in shock as he watched her reel back dead._

_He saw his own surprise mirrored in her face as she went down; but she was already gone before she hit the floor and he was on his own. He had to keep his composure, he had to not believe this until the fight was over; but his heart was thundering in his chest. What the fuck? Saki was dead. She had just died there right beside him. The fight was too quiet without her whoops and declarations of headshots. It wasn't fun anymore. Nothing was fun anymore. He wanted to be shot now too. Johnny didn't want to fight in silence and anger. For a split second his attention was diverted by the contact-enhanced violet eyes of his fallen leader and he met them with his own and nearly choked on his grief. How the fuck could she die? Blood dripped from the bullet wound on her head and he saw it trickle down past her drawn on eyebrows._

_She wasn't someone who __**could**__ die. Not like this. He shook his head and screamed, _

"_Saki! Wake the fuck up, man! Don't you fuckin' dare lie there dead!"_

_She didn't answer. She never would again. Not now and not ever. Just like Eesh. Johnny's chest tightened and he peered back at his attackers; his boss' murderers and gasped, there was no one there._

"_What the fuck?" He hissed and glanced back towards Saki's corpse._

_She was still lying there and still dead, but now she was grinning. _

"_Is this your worst fear, G-man?" Her dead body asked of him and he jumped back away from her._

_Zombie Saki laughed at his reaction, but remained lying on the floor. She looked up towards the sky through the hole that they had blasted through the bank's roof. His breathing heavy, Johnny followed her gaze and his mouth hung open; there was nothing there now either, just black, empty space._

"_Johnny?"_

_His name sounded strange and he looked at Zombie Saki, who still had that strange smile on her face,_

"_What's your biggest fear?"_

"_You never shutting your fucking mouth!" He cocked his gun and fired it at her to silence her._

_Suddenly a booming laugh resonated throughout the chamber and Johnny remembered; he knew now what was happening. He had done this before with Saki. He had robbed the Stilwater Bank with her; they had gotten away and got mad on Crystal all night the day that they pulled off that heist. _

_Saki had wanted to get up and do a sexy dance with the strippers onstage, but she was too wasted to stand up straight and she'd fallen over directly onto her face, spilling Pierce's drink and making Shaundi laugh. Johnny nearly smirked at the thought of it, but relented; his thoughts were used against him now in Zinyak's world. _

"_Aw, feeling a little nostalgic are we, Johnny? Do you not like the sight of your mad little protégé lying there in a pool of her own blood?"_

"_What kind of a fuckin' question is that, you fuck?!" He snarled and Zinyak chuckled, _

"_Well, you needn't be rude; I only thought that you deserved a change of pace. Living in a 3-D world and seeing your beloved friend die in HD has to be a marvellous encounter for you after all that pixelated woe you've been experiencing with Aisha."_

"_Fuck," Johnny growled dangerously and cocked his gun again, "…you." _

_He blasted Zombie Saki again in the head. It wasn't the real Saki. It wasn't his homie, so he didn't care one bit as she ragdolled away from him._

"_Ah, your second biggest fear. Your fears always revolve around losing people suddenly, it seems. Did you not like the fact that you could not speak to her again? That one moment she was there," His voice became theatrical, _

"_One second ago, there she was; kneeling beside you, laughing, loving life and then…bang. One finger on a trigger, one stray bullet and she's gone. No calculation, no control; simply gone. Fate. Saki's always been brash and reckless, hasn't she? That's how she probably will die. But you won't be there to protect her from that fate, I'm afraid."_

"_Go to hell." Johnny managed through gritted teeth and he heard the alien snigger,_

"_Oh, no I don't think I shall," He said thoughtfully, "I am rather enjoying yours too much, Mr. Gat."_


	2. Annnd Now His 3rd! REASONS!

The darkened snugness one feels when they are just about to waken from a peaceful sleep was shattered when Johnny's eyes snapped open and he swore he felt_ rocking_. He sat up with sharp gasp and instantly reached for his gun. Nothing in his holster,

"Damn." He swore under his breath and peered around.

He was on a boat. Actually, it was a yacht; a large white one, and fancy as hell. His brow furrowed; what in the goddamn was he doing on a boat, floating around in the middle of nowhere? An excellent question he told himself and then rolled his eyes, he must have gotten pretty hammered last night with Shaundi and the Boss. Man, Eesh was gonna' be pissed.

"Good evening, Mr. Gat. Did you sleep well?" A familiar and utterly aggravating voice asked.

Everything fragmented; Johnny knew he was not really on a boat. He was not really lying here; it was just another of Zinyak's illusions – or 'simulations' as he called them. Whatever they were, Johnny fucking hated them. He got up to answer the caped alien invader and spat,

"Enough with this shit; what the fuck is this you got me runnin' around doin' now, huh?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Zinyak asked as if he didn't know what Johnny was talking about.

Johnny knew, though. He remembered every single one of Zinyak's mental torture chambers and he knew that this confused the alien profoundly. Maybe everyone else that he had tried to torment with images and flashes of their most harrowing times and their greatest fears had broken their brains completely and the memories had to be erased so that they could relive them over and over again, or to make room for new nightmares.

It didn't fuckin' matter one bit to Johnny and he spread his hands and shrugged in his cocksure way, moving over to the railings – Johnny leaned on it, acting calm.

"So is this my vacation after all that shit you've been putting me through with Aisha, huh? You don't think I would have preferred it to be, oh, I dunno', sunny, so I could catch some rays?"

The alien stood with his arms folded, his blood red cape trembled in the simulated breeze and he 'lauded the Saint's bravado by bowing his over-sized, over-eyed head and said graciously,

"In a manner, I suppose, 'vacation' is the right word."

"Ooh, do I get a prize?" Johnny quipped,

"But of course," Zinyak purred and motioned with a three fingered hand behind him, "I thought you might like to experience _someone else's_ tragic moments instead of your own for a change."

Johnny's fist clenched so hard, he thought his fingernails might draw blood from his palms.

"You fuckin' what?" He growled low.

"Yes, it is quite remarkable how you all seem to overlap. I could not find one bad memory of hers that did not include you and vice versa. You all seem rather wrapped up in each other's misery."

That's when Johnny noted the skyline over to his right; Stilwater looked just as vibrant and shithole-ish as it always did, but there were weird little glitches running along the skyscrapers and strange sounds emitting from Johnny's once-home. He realised now where he was, what boat he was on and his stomach tightened. In a rare show of defencelessness, he shook his head and breathed passionately,

"Oh, fuck _you_ so hard."

"I thought you would enjoy it as much as she did when I put her through it." Zinyak provided mercilessly and Johnny saw red.

Without a second thought, he threw an almighty punch at the alien but was thrown off when his fist, and whole body for that matter, simply went straight through Zinyak. The extra-terrestrial's laugh was gleeful as he stood there as if Johnny's attacks did not matter – and indeed, they did not.

"You are but a ghost here, Mr. Gat, just as much as you were in reality. I wouldn't waste my energy."

"Fuck-"

He was cut off as the alien gripped him by the throat, clamping his response in his fist,

"Say that to me again, and I will make you very sorry." Zinyak threatened the man in his grasp.

Johnny, always the rebel, hissed in a choked voice,

"F-fuck you, you fuckin'-ah!"

He was thrown viciously from the front of the yacht down to the stern part, where people would usually stand around and drink bubbly. He landed with a grunt and blinked a few times, massaging his neck until his eyes fell on a familiar pair of punky boots with the thick leather souls.

"No." He shook his head again, unwilling to look up.

"Yes," An unfamiliar voice said behind him, "You're going to die here, girl."

Johnny reluctantly managed to drag his eyes upwards and they fell on his friend. Saki stood in her usual manner, fists clenched and her head held high in defiance. She did not flinch when three of the Alderman's bodyguards came up behind her; instead, she glared right at Richard Hughes and sneered in her jokey fashion,

"Can we hurry this up; I wanna' go to Freckle Bitch's."

"She is just as moronic as you when it comes to fighting the odds, don't you agree, Mr. Gat?"

The simulation seemed to freeze and Zinyak came waltzing through the scene and stopped when he was behind Saki.

"She _was_ afraid, you know. She even called you, didn't she? Right before she got on the boat – calling in for back up – and what did you do?"

"Stop." Johnny uttered through his clenched teeth,

"You lay in your bed, warm and safe whilst your friend burned up alone, betrayed. And you've wondered, haven't you? All those years that she lay there in that hospital bed, you wondered if you could have saved her if only you'd taken that call."

Saki's voice resonated through the simulation. Johnny was aghast to hear that call played back to him.

"_Hey, J-man, it's me. Look, the Alderman's given me a way to save Jules, but I don't trust him. Are you there, Johnny? If you are fuckin' pick up, man. Anyway, if you get this in time, meet me at the docks and we'll get the boss back, alright. Later, homeslice."_

Johnny knew that voicemail word for word. He'd played it back to himself over and over until the phone's battery was shot and Aisha had threatened to leave him if he didn't sort himself out. He squeezed his eyes shut and reprimanded himself again for leaving Saki hanging that night; when_ that fuck_ betrayed her.

"It's tragic that she 'died' that night believing you had betrayed and abandoned her..."

"That's not true!" He snarled and Zinyak guffawed,

"Ah, she was so dependent on you in those early days for reinforcement wasn't she? See what happens when you weren't there to have her back – I think you'll find it just as poignant a moment as she did, if not more so, since yours shall be a different _perspective_."

Zinyak was gone and Saki began to move towards the Alderman; pointing a finger at him, she threatened the podgy man,

"You're the one who's gonna' die here tonight, _Mayor_. Where's Julius?"

"Ah, the bait," The Mayor chuckled, he had a wine glass filled with booze in his hand and he looked down into it as he swirled the liquid around, "Well, you see, we don't have him here. In fact, I don't know where he is – suffice it to say, though, I doubt he'll make it through the night, regardless of his usefulness."

Saki looked heartrending. Johnny watched shock, panic and fear all wash over his friend's face in a matter of minutes as she realised that she'd been led into a trap with no support. He observed as she quickly quashed that fear, squared her shoulders and puffed out her chest,

"You're lying."

"I'm not, actually." The Alderman said frankly and honestly.

"And Julius's not here?" Saki seemed to be making sure of this fact and the Alderman bobbed his head and Saki grinned, "Right, I'll murder you right fuckin' now, then."

"I wouldn't-"

Richard Hughes was silenced with a bullet lodged between his eyes and with that, Saki turned quickly to engage the Alderman's now jobless guards. She took on the bellboy easily enough, smashing the butt of her pistol into his nose and flinging him aside. The other two, she summed up; attacking the larger one first to throw them off. She jumped up to slam her fist into his mouth, but was grabbed mid-leap and grunted as she kicked her heavy boots into his nuts and he let her go to grip the sore spot.

The third one was the first to brandish his firearm and shot at Saki. Johnny's breath caught to watch Saki get shot in the shoulder and be powerless to smash a chair off the guy responsible. He watched her get pinned down and he moved closer to her; she was sitting with her back up against the minibar with a hail of bullets whizzing by her. It was cutting, he felt so helpless and that just made it worse.

Had she been _this_ helpless? Was this how it even went down? Or just the way Johnny imagined it had? Was Zinyak fabricating this too?

He saw her expression change from determined to frightened once more as even more gunfire joined the barrage that was attacking her; the Alderman hadn't skimped on security, it was only his arrogance that had gotten him killed.

Kneeling beside Simulation Saki, Johnny saw her cast her eyes up and gulp down; then she pulled out her phone and ferociously punched on the keypad.

"Come on, come on…" She mumbled with a trembling voice; her hands were shaking.

Johnny couldn't help it; he glanced over as she was tapping in the number and felt his heart break when he saw that it was his own number that she was dialling and he reached a hand out to her as if to touch her shoulder.

Saki never got to make that call. Then everything went white. A humongous, ear-shattering boom erupted and fire, heat and chaos engulfed the simulation. Johnny covered his eyes and felt himself get thrown back into the waters of Stilwater.

The bomb had gone off.

He couldn't see Saki in the remnants of the yacht, the burnt out husk was a black, smouldering heap as he swam past it to get to shore. Zinyak was waiting there, his arms folded as usual and with a shit-eating expression on his face, he watched Johnny's approach.

When he hauled himself out of the waters, he fell on the sand defeated, hearing the sound of simulated sirens, and he ignored the alien. He had not wanted to see that. He had watched Eesh die, he had seen her blood splatter the wall and saw her vulnerable, headless body fall backwards tied to that fucking chair. That had been traumatic. Johnny had told himself again and again that he _could_ have saved Eesh if he had just gotten into the house quicker; if she hadn't of called out to him.

But this…He could have never have stopped this, not even if he'd been here. This was simply inevitable and he knew that Saki had gone to her 'death' believing that her crew had deserted her. At the very least, Eesh knew that he loved her and was trying to save her. Saki must have been so scared on that boat; she was a crazy bastard, but she hadn't been the fearless Bosslady back then; fuck, she barely _spoke!_

Johnny opened his eyes and asked in a monotone,

"Why do you do this to people?"

"Why do _you_ do this to people?" Zinyak counter-questioned and Johnny frowned,

"Me? I don't blow people up or cut their heads off!"

"That is debatable: you have indeed blown people up and if it came down to it, Mr. Gat, I certainly believe that a sociopath like yourself would decapitate a person if you were ordered to by that madwoman you follow blindly."

"Fuck you-"

Johnny's retort was cut short as Zinyak stepped on his throat and growled threateningly,

"What did we say about that word, Mr. Gat?" He applied pressure to Johnny's neck,

"You want to know _why_ I do this? I do not think that you could even comprehend the misery that you have instilled in the many people's lives you and your _Saints_ have deigned to ruin. You want to understand why I put you through this torture, I ask you to think about all the families that had to relive the memory of _you_ gunning down their loved ones every day in their reality. Blowing up their cars, their homes – whatever."

Johnny grimaced, gripping the boot that was choking the life out of him,

"You believe that _everyone_ gets a nightmare? What makes you think you deserve to relive anything good or happy? Either of you?"

Zinyak's ire dimmed just as quickly as it had flared and he lessened the pressure and watched as Johnny spluttered,

"You and that woman were evil in reality so you deserve nothing but misery in virtual reality. That is why I do this and that is why you deserve it. Do you think Aisha would have died if you hadn't shot and killed that Ronin in her home? Where she had forbidden to be made into a gangster clubhouse?"

At that, Zinyak backed away and held out his hands,

"Do you think Julius would have needed to burn Saki if she hadn't gone _too far?_ Maniacs like you two will never understand the nuances of necessity."

"Oh…" Johnny managed hoarsely, getting to his feet and cracking his neck, "I _do_ understand, E.T."

Zinyak's condescending little chuckle seemed to beg to differ but he bit nonetheless,

"And what is it that you understand, Mr. Gat?"

Johnny spat in the sand by Zinyak's feet. Grinning ferociously, he said;

"The last bastard that hurt me and mine realised that I understood necessity. I'm gonna' bury you-a-fucking-live, you piece of shit, alien-scum, motherfucker."

"Ah, your infamous bravado knows no bounds." He lunged for Johnny.

Smashing the Saint into the sand, he punched him into unconsciousness and uttered to his still body,

"I'll know I've broken you when you have none of _that_ left."

* * *

Because...reasons. Yeahhh. Reasons.


	3. Saki's Nightmare - Fuck It

_No, no, no, no, no, shit-fucking-fuck, no._

Saki's brain was racing at one hundred miles per hour as she bounded towards the cut up, charred body of her lieutenant, Carlos.

_I'll fucking kill him. I'll tie him up too and drag his fat fucking ass around town for this, I swear._

She vowed to herself meaning Maero.

_Carlos, bud, please don't be dead. Please._

When she neared him she heard him whimper and sank to her knees, grazing them.

He was fucked. Carlos was lying face down, one leg mangled and disjointed after being trussed to the ass of a Brotherhood truck and dragged along the concrete. His skin was all friction burned and bleeding, the grazes cut deep enough to show the bone. The smell of burned flesh was sickening and Saki balked when she smelled it. It stank like death. Strange black gunk was mixed with Carlos's blood, like pus. Without thinking of his pain, Saki gripped his mutilated shoulder and flipped him on to his back. He screamed in agony and Saki snarled,

"Fuckin' man up, you; Carlos, it's me, can you hear me, kid?"

He did not respond, merely gurgling a response that was blood-filled and agonising to behold. Saki looked away and closed her eyes fighting back the sharp prick of tears.

_Fuck me_.

She thought as she peered back at his face. This was all her fault. Carlos's face was unrecognisable and disfigured from the torture he had endured. Saki gasped and got to her feet, backing away from him, she shook her head and erratically tugged at her short hair in panic. Flinging her wild gaze around, she could feel her eyes bugging out – she didn't know what to do – she was frozen in place and filled to the brim with regret.

"Get up!" She ordered and tried to hoist him to his feet but he let out a blood curdling scream.

Then realised he was still tied to the truck.

"Fuck, I'm sorry!"

Saki spat out the sick that was in her mouth and stomped over to the vehicle and began kicking the bumper uselessly; even with steel-toed shoes she could not break it off to free her friend.

_Oh come on! Come-fucking-on, man!_

"It won't come off, kid. It won't come off…" She was muttering to him frantically, breathless.

He wasn't moving. The fucking bumper wasn't moving and Saki fell to her knees again. It was pointless and she let out a sob. She should never have recruited him; this was all her fault.

Was he dead? Saki's head came up and she could feel her nose growing hot with emotion. She wiped it and flung herself up onto her feet, gripping the back of her head, she paced around trying to spot a car to ask for help. There was none and she chewed on her lip, blinking back tears and raindrops.

Whipping out her phone she smashed it upon the ground in a fury when she saw that she had no battery left and bent down to her knees for a third time with her head in her hands.

_I'm so fucking sorry, kid. _

"B-boss?"

He was alive. Saki jumped up and in her hurry, fell forward a bit as she knelt beside him, ignoring the cuts on her knees; she breathed,

"Yeah, bud, I'm here."

Carlos nodded and twisted his mutilated face into some semblance of a smile,

"I knew you would be…Ah!" He cried out in pain before coughing up blood.

Saki sighed and shut her eyes; opening them to see that he had his ruined hand outstretched towards her. She took it and softly caressed his knuckles, she could see the white of his bones and shook her head and muttered,

"Fuck's sake."

"They got me good…Maero must not have liked his new tattoo, eh?" He joked and Saki let out a short puff of laughter, holding his hand tighter.

He knew he was done. It was almost too much for Saki, but she swore,

"I'll get him fucking better, kid. Don't you worry – I'll fucking cut Jessica's head off right in front of him and make him fucking eat it."

He chuckled,

"I bet you will, boss…"

_I fucking will for this._

"Boss?" He sobbed, pleading.

He was nodding his head and Saki leaned forward,

"I'm gonna get him for this, I fucking promise you, bud."

Carlos bobbed his head still and she felt him clasp her hand like a vice. Little fucker was _ten times_ stronger than Maero. Saki bit back her sadness as she cocked her pistol and aimed it at Carlos's face, looking him directly in the eyes, she watched him close them and accept his fate.

Squeezing the trigger, Saki ended her friend's suffering and wept when his hand fell away from hers, dead. She sat beside his body and rocked back and forth on her ankles. It was all her fault.

It just kept running through her head, over and over.

_This was my fault. If I hadn't fucked with that psycho…If I had just fucking left it! _

She punched the road and felt her knuckles break. Saki didn't care as she uttered darkly in the rain,

"No one fucks with my crew, Maero."

"Oh, but they _do_."

A voice sounded in her head and her brow furrowed. Saki got to her feet and turned around to see the speaker; she gasped in fright as suddenly she wasn't on the road, it wasn't raining, she was in Purgatory and staring directly at Lin.

Saki's eyes were like plates, Lin was standing there sodden with her hands bound behind her back with blood oozing from her stomach; seaweed clung to her black hair and she was a deathly shade of blue. As was Saki's natural reaction to this nightmare, she bent over and was sick. She wiped her mouth and shook her head,

"No, no, no – this can't be real. Y-you can't be here, man-"

"Why not? You came back from the grave, didn't you?"

"I watched you die." Saki countered, tears in her eyes and another voice said,

"You just watched _me_ die."

Whirling around, Saki's eyes fell on Carlos. He was still disgustingly mutilated and covered in blood, but he was standing there and Saki retched.

"What is this?" She managed and Zombie Lin responded tauntingly,

"What you fucking deserve for letting us die."

"I'm sorry." Saki sobbed, covering her ears and kneeling down. "I'm so sorry…"

"You think that makes it all better?" That voice was Zombie Carlos and he went on,

"I was only seventeen when I came to the Saints…you could get there fast enough for Johnny but not me, huh?"

"It wasn't like that-"

Saki started but was cut off by Zombie Lin, who circled her.

"You should have known I was caught on the phone. But you didn't. Some fuckin' boss you are. You're no better than Julius. He fed his crew to the dogs too, didn't he?"

"Please stop, Lin" Saki snivelled as she began rocking back and forth again.

"We know where you learned your tricks from," Zombie Carlos chimed.

"I tried…I really did, guys." Saki tried to explain to her demons, but they both simply laughed and said,

"Not good enough," It was Zombie Lin. "You know what Sharpe did to me before you came?"

"No…please, I know, I'm sorry-"

"'_I think it's time to unwrap you'_."

"Maero burned me before he trussed me up, you know. He had me tied up like a fucking cow in the slaughterhouse and you didn't care."

"I did! I do!" Saki was screaming now, squeezing her ears until she thought they might bleed.

The piercings in her ears were cutting into her skull and she shook her head trying to banish the faces of those she had let down.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I…I didn't mean for any of it to happen, I'm sorry." Saki was uttering under her breath like a madwoman, repeating the same thing over and over again until the words sounded weird. "I'm sorry, Lin. I'm sorry, Carlos…I'm sorry for everything."

"We don't forgive you."

It was too much. Saki fell to her side and curled into the foetal position and wept like a child as they stood over her and glared down at the pathetic display.

Even further up, Zinyak looked down on _his_ display.

"Interesting," He mused, observing his masterwork.

"Even a sociopath like _you_ has regrets. I would have never guessed."

The simulation flickered and he shrugged,

"No matter. End simulation forty-two and commence simulation forty-three."

His simulation disintegrated and he saw the forms of both Carlos and Lin dissolve away.

"Let's see how you handle my next little experiment."

Saki's eyes snapped open. She was home. With a yawn she got up and stretched, sitting idly on her bed, she let the sleep wear off. After a moment she got up and went to the fridge, glugging down some juice she was startled when her phone rang.

It was Johnny.

"'_Sup, Boss. You ready to take that asshole, Burke, on a ride along? I have something special in mind for him." _

Saki chuckled and quipped,

"Is it bobbleheads?"

"_Aw, don't ruin the fuckin' surprise, yo. Just get your ass to the safehouse; Shaundi's already on her way."_

"You got it, Gat." She laughed, shaking her head.

_"Hey, Sak?"_ He said in a jovial tone,

"Yeah, bud?"

"_I gotta' good feeling about today."_


	4. Hisoka's Shit Night

The air was thick, warm and smelled of sweat and breath. Saki's eyes snapped open to reveal only more darkness; she gasped sharper still when she couldn't force her wrists apart and felt her chest tighten as her arms pulsated with the effort to try and separate her hands. She stopped when the futility of what she was doing hit her and squeezed her eyes shut at the shooting pain that was rampaging its way through her skull, the lumps from where the bat had struck her already forming.

"Hey…say something, Sak…Are you even alive?!"

"Lin!" Saki breathed and accidently – in her relief – kicked Lin in the side.

"Ow!" She hissed, but then softened, "I'll take that as a yes."

Saki's relief was short lived as she began to breathe heavily again. She couldn't see anything and couldn't pull the air into her lungs fast enough; Saki's breath hitched, she felt like she was suffocating and began to hyperventilate.

"Hey, come on…we're…We're gonna get out of this, you hear me?" Lin demanded in her forthright way and Saki felt Lin's sneaker hit off her arm in a weak attempt to calm her. "Shit, we've stopped movin'…" Lin's voice quavered only a little. "Where's my lighter…?"

"I need out of here, Lin." Saki almost balked and started to writhe around the cramped, dark space, her breath becoming more and more laboured the more panicked she became, "Lin! I can't stay in here! I have to get out!" Saki screamed in terror.

"Let me fucking out!"

"Saki, get a grip – you can't lose your shit here – we gotta'-"

Lin tried to shush the younger woman but was cut off as the lid of the trunk was hauled open to reveal Donnie and Mr. Sharpe; they're faces were two studies in shock and satisfaction. Donnie's eyes were bugging out of his head as he beheld Lin and Saki tied up and shoved into the trunk of Lin's car. Sharpe looked smug, cold and indifferent to their fates as they were, rested in his wrinkled, old hands,

"Mr. Sharpe, what the hell are you doing?!" Donnie demanded in a high-pitched whine.

Lin's eyes sprang up, wide and pleading, so unlike herself she tried to explain quickly although her voice was drowned out slightly by Saki's wriggling and grunts as she tried to make a break for it and get out of the car.

"Donnie, listen to me, I swear to God-"

Gunfire silenced her and Donnie shrieked as he stepped back with his hands on his head in disbelief,

"Whoa! What the hell?! Mr. Sharpe, you just shot my girl!"

"Yes, I know Donnie. A tragedy…" Sharpe acknowledged in his toneless, aloof voice.

"Lin!" Saki snarled as her blood splattered her face. "You fuckin' bastard! When I get outta here-"

Saki's voice was halted when he shot her too.

"Oh, I doubt you'll do _that_." Sharpe quipped and Saki gulped down air.

"Ah! Fuck ow! Fuck you! Fuck this!" Saki's voice was borderline hysterical.

Wow, this was painful. Saki had never been shot before, but _wow_. Pain like that of a massive fiery cramp tore through her abdomen except it was worse; it was like the cramp wasn't just consigned to her stomach it was _everything_ in her stomach, organs, blood, tissue – everything was ablaze with anguish and making her nearly sick with the agony of it. Red flashes started to throb in her eyes and she thought she was going to die as she felt a wave of nausea engulf her and then more followed when she focused on Sharpe.

His hands were on the trunk lid and he was looking down on her; Saki's eyes slid over to Donnie and she almost felt sorry for the guy, he looked like he had no idea what was happening and Saki watched him make a move to help Lin, but Sharpe snapped the lid closed on Saki as she yelled for him not to close it and plunge them back into the blackness. Saki's voice must have sounded terrified as she pounded herself off the walls in a vain attempt to free herself.

"S-stop that…" Lin managed and Saki came to a sudden stay and sniffed,

"Lin…A-are you okay?" Pain nearly made the question impossible, but Lin chuckled darkly and offered, "Better than you if you don't quit the…ah…thrashing. You've been shot, Sak-"

"So'v you!" Saki nearly cried but Lin calmed her, "Yeah…s-so you shouldn't mo…ah, you shouldn't move."

"This is bad, Lin…" Saki managed through gritted teeth and Lin bobbed her head in agreement – not that Saki could see her doing that, she just assumed she did.

"Yeah, bud…We're in a bad place, sure."

"'Bad place'…you-" Saki grimaced and smiled mirthlessly, "Heh, you call this a 'bad place'?"

Then they felt a lurch, the front axle had gone over something, a curb or…

"I should've fucking known that it was a trap, Lin…" Saki lamented.

"There's no time for this!" She snapped hotly in return and Saki felt Lin moving around. "You gotta'…_We_ gotta' get out of here, we're gonna, don't worry. If I could just…"

A scraping sound resonated and they both gasped and Lin snarled angrily, "He's dumping the car!"

"Ah! Fuck!" Saki grunted, "Whadda we do?"

"I don't…" Lin breathed as she writhed still; Saki thought she was consumed with pain.

"Lin…?"

They felt weightless as the car was pushed over the edge into the waters of Stilwater. Saki closed her eyes and tried to breathe steadily and keep herself calm as Lin was, but she feared she was losing her nerve with every passing second, the pain in her stomach was mounting too. If she didn't drown then she was pretty sure she was going to bleed out any moment, lightheaded as she was.

"D-did…Saki, did you hear that asshole, Donnie?" Lin asked randomly and Saki shook her head.

When Saki didn't answer, Lin booted her in the arm hard.

"Ah! Fuck, Lin!" Saki growled she was tired and cold.

"He…" Lin chuckled and a tear rolled out of the side of her brown eyes down into her black hair, "He called me 'his girl'…what a fuckin'…"

Her voice died away and Saki closed her eyes too. She could feel the water circulating around her, the frozen seawater zapped her skin, bringing her some semblance of alertness and she jerked up as if to sit upright and battered her head off of the lid of the trunk and grunted.

"Shit! Lin…? Lin, come on, we need to…" Saki was at a loss.

There was nothing to do _but_ die – no escape.

_We're fucked. _

Time seemed to slow and Saki thought she could weep for the way she'd be going out; tied up and thrown in the boot of a car to be dumped into the Stilwater mariner was not the way Saki pictured it and felt a lump in her throat. She'd never get to try out at amateur night at Tee and Aay, never get to try some flaming sake or drive a Raycaster over a suspended bridge like Angelo Carnales or get a tattoo of a dragon. Tears pricked her eyes when she realised she would never get see the season finale of Bobby and Amber.

"Hey…" The voice was Lin's and Saki gasped again as she managed to puff out a sentence as the water filled up the car and began to submerge them both, "I think…I think I found my lighter."

Saki sat up a little and held out a hand for it and scrambled against the clock. The water was rising at an alarming rate and she didn't want to get Lin's lighter wet and ruin their one chance. Saki was near enough panting with the adrenaline and blood loss as she leant over Lin first to burn her bondage. When she was free, Saki thought to herself that the smell of burnt rope was her new favourite scent; it meant freedom and survival now.

"Okay! Lin, you're free, do me now…" Saki grinned, holding out the lighter to her.

There was no response and Saki nudged her, "Hey…Lin…You still there?"

Icy fear and apprehension gripped Saki then and she felt her eyes sting as a tear escaped them,

"Please be there…"

She whispered, knowing she wasn't. There was no time to mourn, that could come later and Saki realised that she might not even make it _to_ mourn, so she took the lighter and managed to manoeuvre herself in such a way so that she could burn the bonds that held her. When she was free, she took a breath – she was out of time, the trunk was almost completely full up with water.

"I'm sorry, Lin. I'll get Sharpe…I'll get him and come back for y-"

Water strangled her words and entered her mouth. Now she was utterly alone in the dark and danger. She lay on her back and tried to kick the lid open, springing her feet forward and pulling them back to execute powerful kicks against the lid. It was starting to look futile and she began to choke, feeling the same feeling of light-headedness that she had felt earlier.

_Come on, come on, come-the-fuck-on!_

Finally the trunk popped open and Saki floundered like a dumb fish to get out and wriggled her way through the water ungracefully until her face broke the surface and she could breathe in sweet, sweet air once again. It was euphoric to breathe again and she coughed snot and saliva prominent on her face as she tried to swim ashore. It was hard going with her injuries, but eventually she crawled onto the sand of the washed up beach and lay in it face-down breathing heavily and convulsing with the loss of blood.

"Help…." She spluttered quietly into the sand, "…help me."

There was nothing for a while; no sounds, she didn't feel anything, she just simply lay there dying until someone happened by her.

"Hmm, what an awful memory," Zinyak mused as he rubbed his chin, sitting observing the President's most traumatic memoirs, "It really is no wonder you became what you did, now is it?" After a moment of deliberation he decided, "Yes, we can use that. Keep that memory and file it under 'On Lin'."

The computer did as it was commanded. Zinyak's cranial dome puckered and he cocked his head strangely stirred.

"Even boorish thugs can qualify for bereavement, more's the pity, but yours remains true and still hurting…" Zinyak shrugged, "Well the life of a 'gangbanger' is oftentimes harsh."

What was that? The next cluster of memories was blurred, ruined with substance abuse and all _wobbly_. Zinyak couldn't understand why and commanded the computer to try and wipe them,

_"__As you command, oh Great One."_ The computer kowtowed.

Sifting through the leader of the Saints' garbled recollections of the time after the murder attempt was just as hard – if not harder – than defragging the ones from when she had been in a coma. Zinyak managed to make out but a fragment of what was happening, he saw a young Johnny Gat standing at a door hammering on it with his fists. He had a leg brace on for his knee which had been shot and he was not dressed in his usual garb of baggy purple clothes, instead he wore a loosely fitted black suit.

"Yo! Saki! Get your ass out here!"

He was met with moody silence and Zinyak watched him sigh and rub the back of his neck and try again, "Saki?" Johnny knocked and bowed his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his tinted glasses riding up a little, "Look, Sak…" He began,

"I know you feel like fucking shit, so do I…But…Look, we need to get up and go represent at Lin's funeral. I know you don't wanna, I know you wanna kill that fuck, Sharpe, but we can't not yet. We gotta get this shit over with first…we gotta go and say goodbye."

His voice scraped on a sob which he made sure to mask with a clear of his throat, returning to his brusque tone as before he slammed his palm into the door and shouted,

"Come on!" He gnashed his teeth at his flaring temper and relaxed,

"Me and Troy need you there…Lin needs you there."

The door opened a slither and Johnny frowned before poking his head round and eyeing Saki. If he hadn't been wearing his glasses she would have seen the bug in his eyes as he looked at her; Saki's once long, shiny black hair was chopped all short and sloppily. Fresh tattoos vandalised her skin on her chest, arms, forearms and legs, the red tenderness still apparent and still covered in cling film. Johnny gasped to see Saki stood before him in a short black wife beater tee and a pair of short shorts; she looked like shit. Emo, Goth, Punk – whatever – shit. Her hair was dyed shoddily with some purple spray on shit, he suspected, but the tats looked genuine and painful and it looked like she had gotten too many too quickly judging by the state of her skin. She looked painfully thin too.

The month or so since Lin's death had been hard on her. The Police hadn't even released her body until last week when they closed up the case surrounding her death. The fuckheads.

"What. The. Fuck? Did you?" He scrabbled for words, "…did the doctors let you out?"

She nodded silently and Johnny folded his arms and shifted from foot to foot before he puffed out a breath and motioned at her tats, "Nice ink, Rusty's handiwork?"

"Yep."

He nodded again. "Mind if I have a look?"

"No. Go ahead, bud."

Saki said in a monotone. She was freaking Johnny out, but he wouldn't let on; he could see the dressing which covered the bullet wound she had gotten from that old fuck, Sharpe. He didn't want to make her feel more like shit by saying that her new look was jarring.

It honestly suited her more.

Moving around her, Johnny looked over the work on Saki's body. She had gotten a suit of armour on her forearm, little bullets on her thumb; and a dragon with a katana in its mouth snaked its way up the rest of her arm and ended at her shoulder ferociously. There was a fluer-de-lis on one side of her neck and underneath that, a little purple skull. The other arm was covered in flowers and he noted the small purple Voxel hidden in amongst the petals. That tat went all the way down her tummy, hip and onto her leg. It was beautiful, but again, the skin looked fucking sore. On her chest Johnny's brow cocked up to see '3rd St Saints' there in calligraphy and he smirked,

"You remember that beating we gave ya?"

Saki's red rimmed eyes found his and she mumbled, "What, when you canonized me?"

"Yeah, that was nothin' compared to this…" His voice faded away. "Why'd you…get these?"

"I dunno…felt right." Saki explained vaguely, "I always wanted ink…I needed a bit of pain after, y'know. Took my mind of off _this_ pain," She pointed at her stomach. "Can't stop thinkin' about Lin, though...So I cut my hair…looked out my window," There were tears in her eyes, "…saw a Roller…had to chop it all off and dye it so I wouldn't go out there in front of the kids and shoot him in the fucking mouth…"

"Good…I guess." Johnny bleated. He was perplexed, but not disturbed. He had done something similar like this a long time ago; it was natural to want to change everything about one's self when someone left.

"Right," He began, mincing his way over to Saki's closet and opening it. "Go through there," He pointed to the bathroom, "Scrub your fuckin' face, sort yourself out, then get dressed. We're hitting Freckle Bitch's for breakfast before this thing – you need to eat."

"You're not…mad at me?" She said small and Johnny eyed her like she had just started speaking Swahili;

"Mad? I ain't mad." He barked a little ruffled, "I came to check on you at the hospital – you're out cold with a bullet in you and Sharpe's killed Lin – _that_ made me mad. So I go off, get the crew, we're gonna case the Rollerz, Julius tells me and Troy to stay our guns – that makes me fuckin' mad. But he wanted to wait for you. So," He looked at her dead in the face and went on,

"I go back to the hospital with Eesh to check on you, guess what? You've only gone and fucked off the map feeling sorry for yourself and getting jacked up – whatever – getting inked. But that doesn't make me mad."

"Why not?" Saki frowned and Johnny shrugged,

"You didn't look like a gangbanger before – now you do. So the look, I got no problem with, you needed one anyway." He was half joking but when he peered at her again he looked hurt,

"Lin died and you disappeared on us. I told Julius you just needed time…but, yo, I wasn't sure. It was only on good faith that I kept that with you, Sak. You don't vanish on the crew. Ever. That's how you end up like Lin, yeah?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry." Johnny interrupted rudely with a sad smile, "Just…don't do it again."

The memory came to an end and Zinyak blinked. The self-mutilation was what stuck out to him; she had gotten those tattoos as a way to cope with the emotional pain of losing a friend by having physical pain overpower it. What an odd and fascinating human the President was; utterly mad, obviously, but capable of feeling a great deal more than he had first given her credit for. He had at first thought her a mad dog with nothing inside her, but now; yes, she did have a weakness and he noted the four skulls on her throat; Zinyak turned his attention back to Saki's mind and frowned ponderously, an audio log voicing Saki's thoughts was lodged between that memory and the next; the alien pulled it up and listened. Saki's body-less voice said sombrely,

"Lin died a hero. She might have been Donnie's girl, but that night when Sharpe killed us…she was my angel. A Saint forever, forever a Saint...And the best damn driver to come outta Chinatown."

The Saints were her vulnerability and Zinyak would take them all from her, one by one.

* * *

Shout out to the guests! Thanks for reviewing and enjoy :D


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